The Motions

I feel like the past few months I have just been going through the motions of life. The work has been getting done, schedules followed, groceries bought and consumed, and laundry washed and worn. There has been little beauty and richness that has enfolded my life. I have been plodding along day to day; my soul feels flat and my step heavy.

I don’t like times like this. I like to be able to pause a moment and enjoy how the sunlight is falling on the onion I am chopping for dinner, to feel the breeze brush my face, to smile at chubby arms wrapped around my legs, and then picking up the owner of said chubby arms and kiss his chubby cheeks.

Going through the motions of life is not necessarily a bad thing. There are times that going through the motions is much preferable to falling apart. Life happens and sometimes the best we can do is focus on getting through the day to day in a reasonable manner.

My problem all started with my husband’s fall back in December. For several weeks life was about getting through. It was all about getting my chores and duties done, while taking on my husband’s, all the while caring for him. He was in constant pain for 4 months; it was all he could do to go to his physical therapy, work, then home again, where he would lay on the couch exhausted and in pain. Life for him was rounds of pain medications, doctor’s visits, physical therapy, and ice packs. All of the extras fell to me, not only the physical things he would do (taking care of the trash for example) but the mental extra were mine to take care of, such as disciplining children, schoolwork and dealing with children who were having trouble, he just couldn’t deal with it after a long day of work and pain.

I don’t want to sound like I am complaining, or making myself out to be some hero. I am doing neither. Dadzoo and I are a team; I pick up where he leaves off, when one of us can’t shoulder our usual burdens the other takes over.

On top of all this, I was sick. Not the lay in bed all day kind of sick. The exhausting, bone tired, muscle sore kind of sick. It wasn’t because of all the extras I was taking on, it was more than that, and it left me, at the end of the day a tired mess.

All of this combined made the “motions of life” necessary.

Now, four months after Dadzoo fall, life is getting easier. Dadzoo is healing wonderfully and is mostly out of pain, his physical therapy is finished and his foot surgery is considered a success. He is back to his normal self and I am so happy! After being diagnosed with an underactive thyroid I have been working with a holistic practitioner and I can actually go through the day without needing a 2 hour nap. I don’t lay in bed at nights with my muscles aching anymore. I feel so good and so full of life!

Now is the time to shake off the “motions of life” and enjoy living. Today my daughter and I snuggled on the couch while she read to me. My baby boy greeted me with a “love” this morning. As Dadzoo hugged and kissed me goodbye this morning I took and moment to enjoy his wonderful clean smell. This morning I took the time to explain to my five year old why she shouldn’t hit her brother back when he hits her first instead of yelling, I watched while she hugged him, and he hugged her back. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and listened to my 9 year old practice piano, something she enjoys. I kissed the freckles on my 7 years old nose and she left for school.

All these small, simple beautiful moments add up to make a sweet life, one that fills my heart and makes me so thankful for who I am and what I have.