I have never been one to have a large circle of friends, growing up I usually have one or two girls that I spent time with and that was it. I am pretty shy, and social situations have at time paralyzed me, and at time the anxiety has been so great that I have avoided socializing altogether. When we moved into this house almost 11 years ago I was welcomed into a wonderful group of ladies, we were all pretty much at the same place in life, new homes, newly married and having babies, we all had a lot in common and I felt welcomed. It was really great for me, someone who has a hard time putting herself out, to have girls around me that were so willing to include me. However, in the last few years I have noticed a change in the dynamic, and it became especially clear to me with the birth of my last baby. Our lives have been changing. Families have moved, friends have gone back to work, they have finished having their families and are moving on. I feel as if I am being left behind. I am still home, having babies, something I am so happy to do, but it is still different from my friends who are finding new hobbys and interests, while I am still raising small children. I don’t fault them, I would be doing the same thing if my family were finished, I guess in part I feel a little jealous of their freedom and sad about my loneliness. There are no lunches at the park with the kids anymore, my friends are off doing “big girl” stuff without little ones tagging along while I still have two littles (and another on the way) tagging along. I use to be able to swap babysitting if I needed to go somewhere without the little kids, but I have no one to do that with anymore, my friends no longer have little ones at home. I felt particularly alone after the birth of Lydia, everyone was so busy and so out of the baby thing that I felt as if I wasn’t noticed. There was one evening in particular, where I was feeling really down about a few things, that all I could so was cry for a friend that had moved away who had always been particularly thoughtful and helpful after the births of my babies.
Now here is the thing that I am really struggling with right now. I look around and I see plenty of ladies who are still having babies, who have little ones, who are out going and “doing” things. I want to be involved, I want to make friends who have the same interests as me. What holds me back? I know they are all very nice people and I would be included without any problem, but…but… it scares the crap out of me to put myself out like that. It is far easier to hide in my home and feel lonely. I worry that I won’t fit in, I can’t really talk much about the latest fashion, movies or TV shows, because I am not really interested in all of that, and is anyone really interested in chatting about homemade laundry soap and canning green beans? Seriously, is there anyone out there that cares about the fact my tomatoes seeds sprouted when there is a new season of “Dancing With the Stars”on?
Anyway, just a little venting and self exploration I guess.
Oh my birthday friend you and I are alike I many ways! 🙂 so many things you said struck a chord with me! You wouldn’t know it but I am quite shy and really I only make friends when I am “forced” to by volunteering or callings. I am very bad at making new friends. For this reason for years I have wanted to start a quilting bee once a month/week, to just get together and swap recipes and quilt 🙂
Kirsten, I would never guess you would feel the same way, you always seem to have so many friends around! Let me know if you ever start that quilting group!
Another shy one here too! I am only outgoing when I feel I’m on home turf (which doesn’t necessarily have to be my home BTW). Social settings tend to make me very uncomfortable too…
I have found that through the seasons of life, friends come and go–they move away, they get busy, etc. However, I have a small group of friends that I can count on to be there–one I have known since high school, another (recently reconnected with me through facebook) since college and my best friend and I have known each other for about 25 years. That doesn’t count family — of course — and I have been blessed by marrying into a LARGE (love it) one:)
As far as the choice between that (and many) TV show and watching life sprout in front of you or learning new skills…I’ll choose the latter ones anytime!
Hang in there Aimee—
Blessings,
Aimee
I’m definitely in a hermit season in my life as well. I’m homesick for my old ward and have yet to make real connections with women in my new ward. Much of that is my own fault, I always have dozens of friends who are true and good but I don’t think I know how to transition from good friend to best friend. I really only ever want one or two very best friends, and possibly my husband fills that role now, but I could be better at being open, thoughtful and engaged in other womens’ lives. I just want a friendship to click, and I guess I’ve forgotten how to make that happen.
If I comment through your blog, does it show up as a comment on facebook?
Yep, rats! I’ll message you privately on this one. 😉
Me too. I was feeling pretty blue a day or so ago for these very reasons!
Aimee,
I know how you feel. I am out of the having kids phase but most my age have little ones since they started having kids later than I did and mine are almost grown. Ashley will be 18 in a month! And most think I am strange with gardening, canning, cooking, baking, etc etc. Oh and my new thing wild foraging now that is really strange to most.
It is hard I know and very lonely a lot of the time. I have not found the answer to it, I don’t make friends easily since I am shy too but I also have a hard time trusting people I have been hurt to many times so I stopped sticking myself out there. I have jumped into other things to help letter writing, blogging which isn’t all that helpful, taking herbal classes….But sometimes it just doesn’t help.
You are not alone which I know doesn’t help all that much sometimes to know. But sometimes like your post jump out and says something that hits the spot and I think its OK all is OK and I am not alone.
Love,
Erika
Thank you Erika, I have always thought of you as a “soul sister” and while I haven’t been good keeping in touch with you, I have valued your friendship and I do stalk your blog 😉
Aimee
Lol on the stalking I think of you every time one of the missionarys say their from Utah. Which is quite a bit since they are all from Utah lol. They seem to send us all Utah missionarys.
Blessings,
Erika
I could have written that last paragraph of your post. I have lived in 4 different states in the past 10 years and this move has by far been the hardest for me mostly because I feel like I don’t have any friends. I thought friendships for me and my children would happen quickly because there are so many children and mom’s in the neighborhood, but that hasn’t been the case. I brush it off by telling myself we won’t be living here very long so it’s not a big deal.
I’m like you though, I don’t put myself out there and when I do make an effort, it doesn’t seem to work. People here are definitely friendly, don’t get me wrong, but when I need a friend I usually end up calling one of my out-of-state friends. I also have to remember to keep my perception in check, it’s easy to look around and see how everyone is busy and moving on with their lives and feel a little jealous or left-out, but my perception might be different than their reality,….and maybe I am missing the people who are like me and just need a friend.
Aimee,
There is a house down the street from us for sale, 6 acres, a barn, 9 bedrooms, it needs updating, but I am pretty sure you are supposed to move there so we can cook and garden and make our homemade toothpaste, soap, lotion and laundry detergent together… 🙂 Seriously, your husband can work from home right? and isn’t a job just a little overrated!!!
I could copy and paste this post to my blog!