Just Ask

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I had a conversation several weeks ago with a lady at one of my punk’s soccer games.  She had asked when my due date was and I told her, adding that I am due three days before the kids go back to school, and that Dadzoo was going to take about 2 weeks off work so he could play “mommy” at all the back to school activities.

She then said “Oh wow, my husband would never do that, unless I ASKED him to,” with a very dramatic eye roll.

I had to pause for a second or two.

I then said, very casually “Oh, well Dadzoo (except I used his real name) is really willing to help, but I have to ask as well, he doesn’t know what I need unless I tell him what that is.”

We then chatted for a little bit and parted ways.

That conversation made me think, a lot.  Why do we (women) think that they (men) should be able to just sense what we need?  I wouldn’t be expected to go into work for Dadzoo, sit at his desk and just know what needed to be done.  How can I expect Dadzoo to just walk into the house and just know what needs to be done?  One could argue that if he has to step over toys to get to the couch that he should just know they need to be picked up, but then again he could argue that I should just know that e-mail is checked before the ticket queue at the office (which I don’t really know, I am just guessing).

It leaves me to wonder how much happier we would all be in our relationships if we could just give up the idea that our spouse should just know, and instead we just asked for what we needed?  For me personally, Dadzoo is always happy to do and be what I need, I just have to ask first.

6 thoughts on “Just Ask”

  1. You are so right. *B* and I talk about this pretty regularly. With my ex (boyfriend, but we were together 7 years), I expected him to know I wanted flowers or hugs or whatever it was. I learned when we broke up that you need to be your own advocate and praise things you like.

    So when *B* brings me flowers (even hand picked weeds), I make sure to tell him frequently how much they mean to me. I ask for a foot rub (especially now!) and he’s more than willing to oblige. But I can’t expect him to just know that my feet really hurt.

    Great post!

  2. Men and women are wired differently. Women are wired to sense emotions/feelings of others, otherwise, we are empathic to the needs of others. Men are not wired this way. We need to help them “connect the dots,” and ask for what we need. Great post!