I was talking to a friend today about children and education and our society in general. She told me something that has made me think, a lot. She said there is a difference between leisure and entertainment.

Leisure, is quietly resting while doing something, sewing, reading, talking, playing piano, listening to music, gardening or using our minds in some way.

Entertainment is quietly letting something entertain us, T.V. (most, but not all of the mindless drivel that is shown on the tube these days) video games and movies.

Leisure rests us, quiets us, sooths our souls. Entertainment bores us, makes our minds restless and creates contention.

As I have been sitting here wasting time on Facebook (when there are dishes to wash and beds to be made) I am coming to the realisation that I really do have very few friends.

In high school I pretty much had one friend that I stuck around with most of the time, (usually some dumb boy) sure there were others and people I sat next to in class that I was friendly with, but nothing that would really be considered friendship.

There are varying reasons for that, I am very shy when getting to know a person, I felt awkward in social situations and was very afraid that I would say something stupid, especially when it came to the “popular” kids. I wasn’t especially smart or beautiful or talented, I was pretty run-of-the-mill kind of gal. Being run-of-the-mill is ok, those are the people that make the world run. High school graduation was very freeing for me.

When I stared on facebook I just did it because Dadzoo thought it would be fun and he wanted me to play the games with him, but as I have been going along I have become drawn to finding people. I will find them, and look at their Friends, and see all these people I know, but I hardly ever add them, it is the old insecurity thing coming back. Sometimes it will take a couple of weeks before I gather the courage to ask someone to be my friend, then I am sure they won’t accept.

I wonder when I look at people profiles how different I would be if I had been more out going and friendly. I wonder if I was to go back and do it all over again, would I do things differently? I honestly don’t know. I still get very nervous in social situations and I am afraid I will do or say stupid things. I am not especially smart or pretty and my interests border on the weird.

I sit here in my computer and look at all these people, people that I thought I would never encounter again and I feel like I am 17 again (wish I had that body!) sitting in class looking out over the “popular” and “pretty” and saying to myself “they wouldn’t talk to me.” Funny how some things never change.

I did a post last weeks expressing my frustrations and depression. This is the worst time of year for me, the cold and smoggy weather just beats into me. On top of the craziness that filled my world at the beginning of the year I was just not handling life very well.

I took everybody’s suggestions to heart and I really appreciate the advice. When it comes to the weather, there is nothing I can to do change that, so I will just have to wait that out. In the mean time I am going to start planning my spring garden and order seeds, that will give me something to look forward to.

As for the other things that were bothering me I realised that I just needed to take responsibility and stop waiting until I felt like it. Monday I sat down and figured out a master schedule, that way everybody in the house knows what is expected of them ahead of time, I find that makes for less complaining (I didn’t say no complaining, just less of it!) and I scheduled time for Family Prayer and Scripture study. There are no excuses now. It is also helping that the girls are back doing their stewardship’s, the house is picked-up most of the time and that leaves me less stressed and more able to focus my energy in other places.

I also decided that I needed to be slower and more deliberate. Instead of leaving something until the last minute and rushing through it like a stress crazed mad woman I needed to plan better, take things slower and enjoy the moment and do less. This is hard, but when I do it I feel so much better.

I also decided to give myself some time in the evening to relax and unwind. If the kitchen isn’t cleaned spotless at 9:30 that is just how it is going to be, I am going to stop and rest. So far that really hasn’t happened, because of my girls help the kitchen had been cleaned and the house picked up by 9 so I have had time to just relax.

I was able this last week to finish this blanket

It is for my sister who is having a baby right now, as I am typing she is in labor with her 4th baby. I am glad I got this blanket finished, I was worried that I might not. It was my first big crochet project and while it isn’t perfect (it is kind of crooked and the rows aren’t even) I am proud of it.

I have moved on to the next blanket, it is a little easier and I am having fun with this one.

I know about 10 gals (family and friends) who are going to have babies in June and July, I am going to try to make blankets for all of them, so I just might be doing a lot of crochet posts in the next few months! Crocheting is so relaxing for me, I feel productive, creative and the repetitiveness (word??) is soothing to me.

I have also been tackling some medical issues lately, and it is looking like they will be resolved, my energy is up and I am sleeping better. I might be able to start exercising soon. I haven’t exercised for a while, and I am sure some people think it is laziness but I promise it isn’t. I like the feeling of a good workout but for several months I have just been too tired. It isn’t the sleepy “I need to get to bed earlier” kind of tired. It is the bone weary my muscles are hurting kind of tired and in all honesty I just couldn’t exercise. I haven’t really told anyone about it, I am afraid of being labeled as lazy or having people think it is all in my head. Anyway, that is being resolved and when I know more for sure I will share.

So for now things are up, the sun is shinning, I am smiling, the bed is made and today is going to be a GREAT DAY!

I have felt so off for weeks now. Tired and cranky and depressed. We are totally off our schedule and haven’t read scriptures as a family since before Christmas, or prayed. I feel as if I am just barely hanging on to a shadow of order and in reality I am just flying by the seat of my pants. It is a combination of many things, I don’t think I have gotten a full night sleep since Christmas and the weather is so blah! I finally got a little glimpse of the sun this morning and then it was promptly covered up by fog.

I know I need to pull myself up and get going, get that new schedule written, get the house cleaned to sparkling and start family study/prayer time. I really just want to sleep!

Anyone else have a hard time this time of year? What do you do to boost your spirits?

P.S. Coming next week…a post on homemade pasta!