I just read a wonderful post and had to pass it on to you all!
Category Archives: thoughts on life
Soft Place to Land….real life?
Dating does involve putting your best foot forward, but it invariably means hiding something. Marriage on the other hand is reality. Give me the real any day. Love is not love if it can only respond to what is pretty, sweet, and self-gratifying.
B. Knox
I recently received this comment in regard to my post “A Soft Place to Land”. I think I was grossly misunderstood. I was not taking about making life like one endless date! I was talking about making your home a haven for your husband. As woman we have a very unique ability to either make the home miserable or happy. I don’t see anything superficial about taking a few moments out of your day to make your husband (you know the person you claim to love above all others) feel welcome and loved upon his return home.
For every couple this will be different, and even day to day this will be different.
There have been many time I have handed Dadzoo the crying baby and I have gone and locked myself in the bedroom. Life happens. However if I did that every day he would soon come to resent it, instead on my bad days he quietly and happily takes over. As recently as two weeks ago Dadzoo came home and I was in bed with a migraine, he quietly made sure I was ok, asked if I needed anything, and then took care of the kids. Like I said, life happens.
Here is a quick run down of our evenings:
Dadzoo comes home, we have dinner. After dinner I supervise the older girls doing dishes while Dadzoo gets the little kids in the tub. He baths, dresses and puts the little ones to bed. I continue with cleaning up dinner and I get the older kids settled down with homework. Dadzoo will pick up the living room usually (without being asked) then he helps with homework where needed. After homework I will shoo the older girls to baths and bed while Dadzoo goes into his office to work on his web site or work on his side job (web consulting). Sounds like one big date doesn’t it! So how can 15 minutes of focusing on my husband, getting pretty for him, and making him feel special, hurt? How does this take away from the “real”? It doesn’t, it just makes your husband feel special for a few minutes in the business of the day.
“Love is not love if it can only respond to what is pretty, sweet, and self-gratifying.” I agree. Let me point out that a man is not going to open himself to his wife if she is naggy, critical, mean and easily offended. If she is loving, kind and soft you are going to really learn who your husband is and you will really learn what it is to love someone more than yourself.
To be kind, loving and soft doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be forceful when needed. A good marriage isn’t one where one partner dominates over the other. There have been many, many times I have been very forceful with my husband, and I always share my opinion with him. Sometimes I bet he wishes I wouldn’t so much! When you do kind acts for others it always comes back to you. When you treat your husband with kindness he will (unless he is a total creep) treat you kindly back. It might be in small simple ways, keep your eyes open, you will see them. Or bigger things, like flowers delivered to you, his wife, on Father’s Day.
I know this has been a huge long post. I am sorry; this subject sits very close to my heart. I hate to hear women belittling their husbands.
My husband has been going through some major therapy; it had been very emotional and hard for him. We, as a result have become very close as a couple. I wonder how different things would be if I were naggy, irritated, mean and demeaning. I am glad that I made this home a soft place for my husband to land. This is real life, I know real life, I live it and I have seen it in the eyes of my broken down husband, and I have felt it in his embrace.
It isn’t that hard to give your husband a soft place to land.
Old Fashioned Education, Old Fashioned Life
Anyone who knows me well knows how I feel about the education of my daughters. I think that in general the art of homemaking is becoming lost. Lost in all the hustle and bustle of life, lost in the world’s idea of an ideal woman, lost to the rat race. I am making an effort to make sure my daughters are educated two fold. I want them to have all the book knowledge they can, but at the same time understanding that book smarts aren’t everything. I want my daughters to be skilled in the art of making a home, with all the little things that go into that.
I think that it is really sad that domestic arts are lost. How many people still garden and can? Sew? Cook? I am sort of a dreamer and I dream about a slower time, where life was simpler, where woman quilted together, instead of waving at each other as they drove by each other, running to the next appointment or class. I dream of late nights on a front porch talking instead of everybody in their own house watching American Idol. Of kids riding bikes and running through sprinklers, instead of being carted off to the next class or lesson.
Anyway, I didn’t mean to ramble, but I want to illustrate how important the small and simple things are. This summer we are cutting back, way back, not only with our finances, but with our commitments. I am working very hard at making simple small memories. When my girls are old and they are remembering their childhood are they going to have fond memories of two weeks of grueling dance camp, or are they going to remember making daisy chains and having picnics? Are they going to remember going to the latest and greatest water parks, or are they going to remember the afternoon spent with our feet in the cold wading pool because the power was out and we were without air conditioning? Are they going to remember the Children’s Museum or are they going to remember planting and harvesting their own veggie patch?
Not that those activities aren’t good and fun, I think sometimes we get caught up in the idea that thing have to be dazzling and amazing for our kids to have wonderful memories. That isn’t true, sometimes the simplest things make the greatest impact. When you are quietly chatting with your 4 year old while she is using her fat finger to push bean seeds into the ground, that makes memories and builds relationships. Sitting in the cool house teaching your 8 year old how to embroider and she talks to you about what is going on in her head and how she feels about life, that is what establishes open communication. When the whole family is sitting with their feet in the cold water of the wading pool, because the power is out and the house is about 85 degrees, talking, and laughing, that is what binds families together.
(This is the napkin that Punk #2 is working on)
Wow, I really got off subject. I wanted to talk about teaching my girls some of the domestic arts. One of our projects this summer it to learn how to to stitchery. The three oldest have small projects. We are stitching around the hem of cloth napkins. One is loving it more that the other, and that is ok, at least they will have the basic skill down! It had been a fun project that we have all be enjoying together.
The Kindness of Friends and Strangers
Saturday our family had an experience, we experienced kindness.
About 5:00 we were all loaded up in the mini-van on our way to my sisters house for a birthday party barbecue. We were all pretty excited, I love to spend time with my family and the kids wanted to play with their cousins. The weather was great, it was nice and sunny, we had potato salad and birthday gifts in hand, life was good!
About 7 miles down the road the oil light in the van came on. Dadzoo figured we could get the few yard to the gas station (this is the closest gas station to our house…I know, 7 miles to the closest gas station…nuts!) so we rolled in. Our van is old, with many miles in it, (it is paid off, so I am willing to over look its elderly status) it pretty much leaks oil and antifreeze so we just figured we could buy a quart of oil and be on our way. As we slowed to a stop I noticed a little smoke coming our of the hood….oh stink….and when Dadzoo opened the hood there was oil all over everything and dripping down to the ground in a puddle. Oh double stink!
As we sat there looking into the guts of the van, dollar signs, and the worry about our lack of dollars dancing through our minds, a lady came over and offered us the use of her cell phone. “I can’t really help much, but I have my phone if you need it,” she said. We thanked her, but had a cell phone. I called my mom and explained that we wouldn’t be making it to the party and asked her to call my sister, then I called my neighbor, Brandi, asking her for a ride. She didn’t even hesitate and told me she would be right there.
Then we stared into our van again. Then a man came over and offered help, “Do you need to use my cell phone, is there anything I can do?”
“No thank you.” we said “we have a cell phone, but thank you so much for offering.
We then called a tow truck and waited for my neighbor to come.
As we were sitting on the grass waiting another man pulled up and asked if we needed help!
Our neighbor arrived and drove all but Dadzoo and Punk#1 home (there wasn’t enough room) h about half way there I realized that I didn’t have a house key. Sigh….so my dear Brandi turned her car around and we went to pick up the house key from Dadzoo, then she drove me home. She dropped me off at my house and helped me unload all the junk from my van (including the potato salad I had made for 40 people, that I was now going to have to get rid of myself) and took my kids to her house so I could go pick up my two stragglers.
We ended up getting pizza for the two family and had our own little picnic, the evening ended up really nice, despite the fact our family car is broken down.
I was really touched by the kindness that was shown to my family. First by our neighbor and good friend Brandi, I knew I could count on her, she is very giving and kind. She is the first person to stand up and help when help is needed, even when she hadn’t been asked. I have many, many stories about times she had stepped up and helped me. I thank my Father in Heaven for friends like her, and I hope that someday I will be able to repay her. Second, I was surprised how many people stopped to offer their assistance. There was a time about a year ago I was stranded on the side of the road with all my kids and no one stopped to help, so I was happily shocked to have three people stop. There really is goodness and kindness left in this world.
A whole lot of nothing
There has been very little going on at our house as of late. We are just plugging along.
I am getting ready for the “big dig”. Around these parts we are at little to no danger of having a hard frost, so it is time to get the gardens going. My springtime efforts were a major failure. This spring was very cold with only a few warm days here and there. Then when things started to be consistently warm the cutter worms made short work of my peas, cabbage and lettuce. (That is why you haven’t seen any pictures of them for a while) So with a quick prayer of thanks that my family doesn’t depend on my gardening efforts for food I am digging in for the summer. I already planted my onions and potatoes, which are new to me this year, and yesterday I got carrots, cabbage, lettuce, spinach, boc choi, broccoli and beets planted. I am waiting for bean, cucumber and basil seeds to come in the mail, and I will be picking up tomato plants at the nursery tomorrow. I am hoping that Saturday I will be able to get the squash in too, I am planting two types of summer squash and a bunch of winter squash that I should be able to store in my basement. I will be planting cheese squash, Butternut squash, Queensland squash, and two types of pumpkin and orange and white variety. If I can just keep the critters away from my crops I think this will be a fun year for gardening.
My very favorite part is about to begin too. I love, love, love my flower gardens. Tomorrow I am going to the nursery to buy tons of flowers. My flower gardens are my pride and joy and I can hardly wait to get everything planted. I will be posting pictures, when I have pictures to post!