What kind of woman do I want to be? I do a lot of blog surfing. I read a lot of Conservative Christian blogs, and these women fascinate me. Some are a lot like me, pretty typical mommy type, some home school, some wear skirts, some grow their hair, some wear skirts to their ankles and long sleeves, some wear the whole dress thing and cover their heads to pray, and some wear the head coverings all the time. There is one blog written by a lady who is trying to live completely off the land, she makes her own butter, cheese and yogurt all from the cow she milks twice day, she even makes her own lard. They all have big families and view their husbands as the head of the house. Reading these have made me think a lot about what kind of woman I am, and what I want to be. A lot about their life style sounds wonderfully right. I love how dedicated they are to their homes, children and husbands. They are homemakers and they revel in their homemaking. I am deeply impressed that they are willing to push aside the fashions of today, the pretty clothes and jewelry, to wear dowdy skirts, grow their hair long and wear scarves or prayer caps all day. I admire their dedication to their beliefs. I wonder if I am that dedicated. Now, I am not going to be dressing in skirts, growing out my hair and wearing head coverings, my religion doesn’t dictate that, but what am I willing to do? Maybe I shouldn’t be so worried about my looks, my clothes, my hair and make-up, my jewelry. I could be more dedicated to my kids. I could make my home more inviting. I could be more submissive to my husband, wait a little long for him to lead, instead of charging head long as the leader. I could make our home more inviting for him, a place of refuge, and teach my daughters to do the same. I am 30 years old, the mother of 5, married for 10 years, and I am wondering what I am and wondering about what I have been doing the past 10 years. I am wondering what kind of woman I am going to be for the next 10 years.

So I have been addicted to Coca Cola since I was about 15 years old. The amounts of beautiful fizzy chocolate colored liquid I consume daily has varied, depending on my will power, pregnancy, craziness of my life, and the need to stay awake. I love the stuff. I mean really, really love the stuff! The sound of the can opening makes my heart go pitter patter, the sound of the bottle opening makes my whole body relax, seriously! I love the sound of ice in a big fountain drink on a long road trip. I love the stuff. It is sweet nectar to me, my drug, and my sanity! So I decided a few weeks ago that I needed to be healthier. I want to eat better, take better care of my little (well, little…ha-ha….ample) body. I want to lose weight; I need to figure out why I insist on lots of fattening foods (that is another post). Part of my “getting healthy” I decided to give up my coke. I did it. For three weeks I drank nothing but water and water. I was sleeping better (I suffer major insomnia) I wasn’t retaining as much water, and I think I was better hydrated. Well on Christmas, my PIC needed a drink for the drive home, so I bought two cokes, it was Christmas after all. I didn’t have any that night, although the day after I sipped on it all day. Boy, was I on fire! The house got picked up, cleaned up, kids were washed, dressed and fed at a decent hour…I was awesome. I didn’t sleep a wink that night. As everybody who reads my blog knows the next day was terrible, I was tired, irritable, unmotivated and depressed. I didn’t think it had anything to do with my “coke treat” the day before, until last night. I was up late yesterday at my mom’s helping her get ready for an event, on the way home I ended up sipping PIC’s coke the whole hour drive. I was wide awake at 3:30 this morning!! This morning I feel sluggish, bloated and tired. Hmmmm…..Maybe not filling my body with stimulates is a good thing, not to mention all the artificial colors, flavors, sugars and salts. Maybe this will be the beginning of an amazing journey.